Mother and Son reflect on the care that made all the difference.
Care that felt a bit like magic
The Donaldson’s story by son James and wife Carolyn:
“We knew of the hospice for years,” Carolyn recalls. “You don’t practically know what it does for you until it actually becomes called upon.” James goes on to reflect.
For years, our family knew of the hospice, but it wasn’t until we needed care that we truly understood its impact. Growing up in the local area, our connection with the hospice went back decades. Before it stood on its current site, the land was just open fields. “When we were kids, we used to go to bonfire night on this field,” James remembers. “We lived here from 1974 to 1986… we were local, and we knew it existed.”
From fundraising at the caravan site to attending community events, the hospice had always been part of our lives – yet its true purpose remained abstract until the time came when we needed it most.
The late James Donaldson (Senior) spent time in and out of hospital, which he loathed, and later in Tapping House’s Inpatient Unit. Around Christmas, his family were prepared to say goodbye, certain he was nearing the end of his journey. Yet, true to form, he defied expectations and rallied once again. “He just kept popping back up,” Carolyn says. “Something he did many, many times. I couldn’t even believe when he died that he had, because he’d come back so many times before.”
Even in moments of serious illness, his resilience shone through. The hospice team provided exceptional care throughout these ups and downs. “When he came in at Christmas, we really thought he was dying,” Carolyn recalls. “But he recovered, then went down again. He was here for quite a long time, and he was so well looked after. Everyone was wonderful – even the nurses and carers liked him because he wasn’t miserable. He appreciated everything, and that made it special for everyone.”
After several weeks, James regained enough strength to walk again. “How did he do it? Sheer guts and determination,” says his son. He wanted to come home, and he did – with Hospice at Home support in place. “That’s where he wanted to be,” Carolyn adds. “He really appreciated all the care he got, and knowing we had access to home care when he returned was extraordinary. It gave us so much comfort.”
An extraordinary gift
When James came home, the family faced the realities of round-the-clock care. “You spend your whole life solving problems, thinking you know how to make things work,” says his son, “and then something like this happens, and everything goes out the window.”
Mum was 79 at the time, and managing his care – from mobility issues to nighttime accidents – could have felt overwhelming. “It wasn’t pretty,” James says. “If I wasn’t there, or my brother Mark couldn’t be there at night, Mum would have had to deal with it alone.”
That’s when the Hospice at Home team became their lifeline. “It felt a bit like magic,” James says. “At three in the morning, when we didn’t know what to do and there’s a sort of catastrophe unfolding, we could just phone, and in five minutes, the cavalry would arrive.” The rapid-response care brought enormous relief. “it felt like the best care you could possibly get,” Carolyn says. “Just knowing they were there – ready to help, patient, kind, and respectful – gave us reassurance we could cope.”
“When someone is exhausted and stressed,” adds James, “just to pick up the phone and know help is on the way is an absolute gift.” For his father, it was more than practical support – it was emotional. “Dad was worried about Mum having to do all this,” he says, “but when the team arrived, he knew he was in safe hands.”
Carolyn smiles: “His face would light up whenever they arrived. He was happy for me too, because he was so unselfish – always thinking about me. He didn’t want to be a burden and would watch how they helped him, trying to understand it all. It was such a gift to have these wonderful people coming; it made a huge difference for all of us.”
Treated with respect and a touch of humour
The Hospice at Home team treated James not as a patient, but as a person. Even in the most intimate and challenging moments, they engaged with his personality, shared laughter, and respected his wishes. “He was very much himself right until the end,” Carolyn recalls. “His faculties were all there. He wanted to be treated with respect. He was still alive, still a human being.”
When emergencies happened at night, the team would arrive quickly. “In the worst cases, it might have been an hour and a half if they were dealing with someone else in King’s Lynn,” James explains, “but sometimes it was just five minutes. That sense of relief when they came… it was huge.”
The care was never rushed or impersonal. “It didn’t feel like we had to get them in and out in 15 minutes,” Carolyn says. “They talked to him about stories from the past – even about fishing. It was human engagement that made him feel comfortable. Even when he needed help with something difficult, it was done with patience and dignity.”
After he died, the team’s care continued. “When Dad passed, they offered to come round and clean him before the undertakers or the doctor came, which I thought was completely above and beyond,” James says. “Again, it was about preserving his dignity. It was extraordinary.”
Have the choice to be at home meant everything
Carolyn reflects on those final moments with both disbelief and gratitude. “I couldn’t get it into my head that he was actually going to die,” she says. “I thought he was going to pop back again… like he did before. But when it really came, it was still a terrible shock. Somehow, I thought he was going to stay here forever.”
She recalls a particularly poignant moment: “I was in the garden, and he was really poorly. He’d fallen out of bed once before, and when I just popped back to check on him. He looked at me as if to say, ‘Where have you been?’ And then he closed his eyes. I was so glad to be there with him. That was a real blessing.”
Having the choice to be at home meant everything to the family. “That’s where he wanted to be,” Carolyn says. “And he really appreciated all the care he got.” Reflecting on their life together, she adds, “We’d been together for 56 years… it was the hardest thing, but also so special to be able to be with him, right to the end.”
She smiles through the memory: “So there we are. That’s life, isn’t it? I’ve got two great sons, and lovely grandchildren. They’re amazing, so kind. We’ve got so much to be grateful for.”
A lasting legacy of care
The Donaldsons’ experience has left a lasting impression, and they are keen to share their message with the community. “It’s amazing to have this kind of care locally,” Carolyn says. “It’s a special thing – a warm, loving place, with laughter, a little humour, and genuine care. It doesn’t feel like a hospital; it feels like a home. I’d feel really sad for people who don’t have that.”
James agrees: “The care at home was fantastic. Even knowing it’s just there on the end of a phone is a gift. It provides security, support, and peace of mind – whether something happens in the night or everything is fine. It’s a complete gift.”
Even after her husband’s death, the support continued. “I’ve been coming to bereavement sessions once a month,” Carolyn explains. “It’s amazing, even if it happened a long time ago. The feeling of loss keeps coming back, but the support helps you carry it.”
Together, the family hope that sharing their story helps others understand the true value of Tapping House. “It’s a blessing to have here,” Carolyn says. “A gift to families. We can’t recommend the Hospice enough. We were so fortunate.”
Consent has been granted by Carolyn and her son James Donaldson to share their story. On behalf of all the team at Tapping House, we can’t thank you enough for sharing your beautiful story.